Freedom

Tension builds. It fills your back, your neck, your face. Hands clench around the wheel until the leather creaks and cracks. You feel it building deep inside-all of those primal emotions you have tried to hide. You feel the heated waves leak through your careful mask. There is a brief pull to look down and you are hurtling through the black night at 110 miles per hour. I have no guardian angel but even if I did he couldn’t catch me. Stars hide and the moon cries. Those boiling tensions roll up as your inner demons peer from between your lashes. What would they see if they looked into your eyes right now? You know they would feel fear. In that moment they step back, murmur a prayer, cross their heart. .. but in this moment, in this moment your windows disappear and the wind screams inside. A choked roar tears from your throat. A throttled, boxed, hidden secret that you feel from your toes to the star kissed gossamer wings unfurling from your shoulders. You laugh and you scream And you laugh some more. This is freedom. Free to be angry, free to be sad, free to be purely insanely mad. Rage- passion- hurt -destroyed- forgotten- besotten- all of it matters so much and so… not. In this moment you are free to be. For Once, I wish and I wish to be.
Authors blurb: this is the night my life changed forever. The night I left my husband, my self esteem issues, my worthlessness,  my hate, my need, my unrequited love from childhood through adolescence and into adulthood.. It was all gone as I broke the invisible barrier holding me back: myself.  And on that empty highway  as i cried and screamed and cursed I learned I wanted to LIVE. 

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Goddess of the sky

I feel the teardrops falling from the sky. They gently graze my lips, a sweetly tender kiss before they drop. The thunderheads, they violently boil, I feel they mirror the sickness in my heart. The thunder clashes, unleashing the screams I will not let past the terror in my throat. The light is harsh and reveals that which mine own eyes hide from. The wind tears the earth apart and throws it back together again. It is my hate unchecked. I twist my fingers and hurricanes tail down; their dance of destruction is beautiful. I slam my fists into the ground and watch the earth split wide. Waves of ocean swallow up the land… 

I blink back my tears and hold my head high. Your taunts cannot reach me. In my world, I am Goddess of the sky.

Growing Up

My life was made of flaws

Stitched together with good intentions

The world had me pinned with claws

For dues that were not my sin

I cannot be a praying lass

My heart no longer beats that speed

You can’t have a soul of glass

In a world full of petty greed

Then who should slip into my heart

So sudden, you were there

I wasn’t slow; I wasn’t smart

And somehow I don’t care

I cannot live without you

I do not know how I ever did

My joy to find them true

The fairytales of soulmates I heard as a kid

Failed loves upon failed lives

A chance to live again

A life with you

A love with you

A happy ever after

I never knew was there

Worth every failure

Worth every fear

Worth every single tear

I wouldn’t change a single thing in my life

Because it’s all worth it now to have you near

Authors blurb: I call this growing up because I finally realized that even after all the terrible things I went through… I wouldn’t go back in time and change it. I wouldn’t even consider it. I wouldn’t dare change a thing for fear of it taking away what I have now. 

something sexy about the rain

There’s something sexy about the rain. When I hear the shimmer hit the rooftop I want to take your hand and run out into the dark. I want to feel the whisper of god’s breath and cleanse my soul under the tears of stars. I am the universe when I stand under the lightning. I am the wind singing in the trickles and the earth under the deluge. There’s something sexy about the rain. It releases a spark I keep held inside and a feral glint hidden in my eye. I slip out into the storm; I escape my bonds for a time. I feel the tingle of anticipation when those first whispers of precipitation stalk into my lungs. If I could run away into the rain I would never need a sunset. I shiver with my heart bare under the weightless wash of water. There’s something sexy about the rain. I feel a yearning to become a misty spirit traveling far and away. I find a love amongst the rain I can find nowhere else. I find an answer, a question, a call. I feel at once so large and so small. I feel more than myself and less than I am. I find a simple wisdom in the fall. My heart beats along with the roar of the hush because there is something sexy about the rain.

Authors blurb: this is about eight years old. I wrote it one morning very early as I listened to the rain outside hotel windows. I hated my life and I felt trapped. but when it rained, oh when it rained… I felt like freedom was somewhere close just waiting for me. 

Making Love

Those who think the world is silent when it rains

Have never listened to the earth breathing 

They don’t understand the subliminal art of feeling 

When the rain hits the dust- petrichor

It isn’t a sound

It is an ecstasy 

It is the moan the ground gives

The hum the trees make

The instant gasp as flowers bloom

As rain plays teasing fingers

Across the earth

Opening the dry, tired world and showing 

Her how amazing and soft she is

Despite the long hard drought

Where she lost the fight to remember her lush beauty 

It is the ultimate secret of lovers

The creation of love at its most beautiful

If you do not understand why rain makes women burn

You do not understand making love

Listen to the rain

The curse of the sea green eyes

Ever changing as the sea
A piece of wild ocean bequeathed to me

When her demons saw what they had done

They had to have one last bit of fun

Whispers of waves just beyond hearing

The lilt of sea shanties so daring

The beauty of eyes showing soul shining bright

Cursed to be alone at night

Reaching across the slick covers

Fingers searching for a lover

Not sure who she wishes was there

But coming awake to find her fingertips bare

Angels or Demons, who can tell them apart

Neither has what we would call a heart

Watching from shadows, from corners and nooks

Watching as sea green eyes devoured book after book

Dreaming of freedom and beauty and strength

Fighting day in and day out without thanks

Her heart whispers lullabies of a second set of eyes

But she found that all the stories were lies

The curse of the sea green eyes

To believe in all of those beautiful lies

The perfect example of strength and sweetness 

tempered by tough times and yet still reaches

Too independent too strong and outspoken

What it took to survive now others see as broken

I’m not broken, I’m not lost

I’m beautiful because of my flaws

I will not change the beauty I am. 

I fought too hard to be me 

I fought for my right to live and live free

To discover who I am supposed to be

The girl cursed with eyes green like the sea

If I am too strong too brave 

If you cannot see how my soul does crave

To be held close with a whispered breath

Lips against my ear saying, “tonight,

You don’t have to have strength,

Tonight you don’t have to be brave. 

Tonight I am what your soul craves”

Then these sea green eyes are not for you

The curse shall carry me forward to the men who do
Authors blurb: so the dating world has sucked ass lately. I keep hearing the same thing: you are just too independent. I need someone who needs me. I don’t want a woman who would kick my ass. Well newsflash: I’m delicate fucking flower. Dammit. Well I have to say I’m tired of hearing I’m not needy enough. Really guys. Get it together out there. 

Paying rent in other’s minds 

When you think you aren’t good enough

And when the world has beaten you low

There is something to remember

Something you should know

Someone in your past has tears 

For the chance to love you that they lost

Someone in your present

Wishes they had been stronger 

And regrets each night they feel their loss

Someone recalls your memory 

And a mistake is all they see

Someone trembles with the need to speak

Another looks into your eyes and curses you as an enemy

Someone smiles blithely to hide jealous rage

Someone else must wrestle their emotions into a cage

For each moment you feel alone

There is someone who wishes they could pick up the phone

And hear your voice on the other end

Each time you feel ugly

Someone is wishing to be you, my friend

Someone wishes you were in their bed

The lesson here that you should learn

Is no matter what your right to live has to be earned

If others give you lodging

Within their troubled minds

Smile sweetly

And recall

The fact that now you are mine

You may not be aware

Of the strength, the love, the peace you share

Or the way your temper ignites like a flare 

But when others think of you

You know

Leaving an impression

Is something natural for you

That’s why you take up space in everybody’s mind

Crossroads Reels

Legba, oh Legba

Come meet me

In the center of the crossroads

Close by the willow tree

Trade my soul and make a pact

Dance with me to seal the act
Devil, my Devil

Dance with me

Under the moonlight

By the sea

I have a trade I wish to make

I might as well have and eat my cake
Hecate, Hecate

Goddess of the way

Grant my desires

This I pray

Hear my plea

And answer quickly
DJinn, great DJinn,

Genie of the splitting way

I dance for you

This is what I say

Grant me a wish, just one I beg

The other two are yours

Debt that I don’t wish to pay
Bean Nighe, powerful Bean Nighe

I’ve come to match my wits to thee

Questions to ask, there can only be three

Respectful and watchful I must be

If I am to go free

Otherwise my soul no longer belongs to me
Crossroads creatures hiding in the dark

Singing sweetly like a lark

Voices sweet with sick intent

They will blow out your light in an instant

Beware the deals you think to make

There will be no escape

Make a deal; kiss to seal

Unfortunately for you 

Demons only make deals

When they know that they will win

Authors blurb: lots and lots of Supernatural binge watching influenced this one. Sorry. 😳

Allowed To Be Me

Feeling happy, feeling free

I am who I always wanted to be

I am figuring me out

I am working it out

And loving, loving, loving, me

I do not know how it could be

That for so long I took the wrong route

And look at how it all turned about

Sometimes I still make mistakes

Sometimes it causes a little heartbreak

I found new friends and lost some old

Recovered some old and left behind some new

But I know whose hands I can reach for and hold

I am learning new skills and taking a step back

Learning how to give and get back

I am not who I was and not yet who I will be

Just wait, watch, you will see

I am finally fully freely allowed to be me

Angry Retort

Forget your stupid face

Forget your nasty name

Who am I that you thought to tame?

I am a tempest

I am a storm

I am the furious one you scorned

Foolish girl you thought he cared?

Foolish little boy with your egotistical airs!

You thought you could break me

Baby you couldn’t take me

I was strong before you came

I will be strong again

I don’t need you

I don’t want you

I was too much for you to handle

So enjoy your flings

Your little playthings

I’m running wild

You couldn’t keep up with me

Because you are still just a child

Authors blurb: ever had a break up that went south real quick? He said, she said, she’s crazy, he’s douche?